


Tomorrow When I Am Drunk On Sunlight

by MaryAnnett



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Out of Character, Rachel is in love, Romance, You Have Been Warned, You have been warned again, fluffly romance, propunk - Freeform, sequel to The Chosen Daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11357031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryAnnett/pseuds/MaryAnnett
Summary: A sequel to The Chosen Daughter. Five years later. Love is in the air.





	Tomorrow When I Am Drunk On Sunlight

**Tomorrow, when I am drunk on sunlight**

 

_Tomorrow, when I am drunk on sunlight,_

_I will still feel the furtive glances,_

_the unchaste kisses and the wet skin_

_imprinting me until I am born again._

\- Henri Cole 

Self-portrait as Four Styles of Pompeian Wall Painting

 

 

When she leaves the hospital after her night shift, a dense layer of snow already covers the city. Sarah enfolds herself in her large, wool shawl and hastens to the subway station. The city is on the edge of waking up. The few lucky people out early enough to discover the fresh snow smile to each other like excited children, rewarded by mother nature for being morning people.

Sarah's face is tense with cold and fatigue, but she smiles dreamingly at the view of the immaculate snow, glittering under the first lazy rays of the sun. After school, she will take the girls to the park for a snowball fight. If Kira doesn't find an excuse to leave them and meet her friends, that is.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She struggles for a second with her gloves before finally managing to answer the call.

"Hey, Fee. You're up early."

"I haven't slept yet, actually. Partying is a full-time job. There was a time when you knew that."

"Oh, come on! I can't believe I became the responsible one out of us two." She laughs slightly, echoing Felix's drunk giggle on the line.

"How was work?"

"Well, you know, nurse work. Nothing special."

"How are the girls?"

"Fine, you should come and visit them sometimes. Kira misses you."

"Yeah. I'll call her." She is by now well used to his artistic avoidance of any hint of an invitation to her place." What are you guys doing for the Christmas holidays?"

"Kira’s going to Cal's, and we're taking Swan to the island. Finally. "

"Did Alison call you?"

"Yes, she told me about the ‘Clones & Affiliates’ party tonight."

"Will you be there with the girls?"

"Yes. I'll be there -", she takes a deep breath,"with the three of them, Felix."

"Oh."

She exhales a combination of hot steam and bitter annoyance.

"Look Fee, it's been five years. Can't you just- accept it, and make an effort, once a year?"

Felix is silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Sarah."

"You're not coming to Alison's, then?"

"I already have plans, actually."

"Yeah. Sure."

Sarah's anger is mixed with sadness. When she ends the call a minute later, she tries to remember the last time she saw her brother. It has been weeks. Years actually, since Felix has visited _her_. Almost six years.

Felix is the only one who could just not accept the situation. At first she had thought he just needed more time than the others. After all, he often needed more time to get used to new things.

Not this time. S had tried to convince him, unsuccessfully. Even Alison, whose relationship with Felix had always been very close, had never managed to get him to forgive Sarah for her choices.

When Kira herself tried without success to talk to her uncle, a year or so after the return from the island with Swan and Rachel, Sarah understood that by bringing Rachel into the Clone Club, she had lost her brother. Even more than that, she found her daughter so sad and desperate because of Felix’s inability to accept the new family arrangement, and it had made her furious with him. Almost irrevocably.

None of them could overcome the pain they had inflicted on each other. And now, Sarah was trying to live without the brother she thought she would always have by her side. 

Something of a lone, leftover tear escapes her eye, since she has cried so much over the broken relationship that she feels she has nothing left to give.

Resting on a seat in the empty subway, rocked by the wagon's vibrations and the noisy machines, she starts feeling the weight of her work night. Her eyes flutter as she tries to fight the urge to sleep.

She arrives home half an hour later. Home. It took her years to consider this place her home. The girls helped a lot by filling every room of the house with their laughs, drawings, smudges of chocolate and finger paint – childhood and sisterhood. Of course, Rachel had helped too, even if Sarah would never admit it. First she had bought the place and immediately after, put the house in Kira and Swan's names, offering Sarah a way to consider the place, if not hers, at least not Rachel's either.

The place was an ancient wood and stone house, surrounded by a small, verdant garden where poppies bloomed each spring. The house was big enough for each of the girls to have a bedroom, as well as for Rachel to have a private office. There was a comfy attic where Charlotte stayed when she was not at boarding school. There was a library where Swan would hide for hours whilst everyone was looking for her. Also, there was a large bedroom, completely bathed in sunlight every morning and coloring the place in such warming yellow and orange, that Rachel and Sarah took almost three years before sharing the wonderous sight.

It was a peculiar place, for a peculiar family, but each member had come to to like it and to consider it home.

When Sarah reaches the wooden porch, she cannot help thinking about Swan, who will wake up in less than an hour to discover the garden covered in snow. She smiles, anticipating the little girl's rare, precious laugh of joy.

"Good morning, Miss Manning."

Peter, Rachel's bodyguard, is standing straight at the entrance door. Sarah likes him, he is kind with the girls and discreet enough to make her forget about the constant threat that has never left them since they returned from the island.

"Hey, Peter -it’s cold ! Want some coffee?"

"With great pleasure, Miss Manning."

Sarah grins at him.

"Tell me, Peter - You do know I'm shagging your boss, don't you?"

"Erm - yes, sure. I know you and Miss Duncan are, uh- a couple."

"Yeah. A couple. So, why do you keep calling me a _Miss_?"

"Would you prefer me to call you _madam_ , Miss Manning."

"Hell, no! _Sarah_ 'll do fine.

"Maybe something with more protocol, like Madam Manning-Duncan?"

Sarah almost chokes with indignation when she sees Peter's amused face.

"Sure. Call me that once more and you're a dead man, Peter." She smiles back at him.

He opens the door for Sarah, and she enters into the warmth and quiet of the living room; the only sound being the soft crackling of logs in the fireplace. In the kitchen, she makes coffee for herself and Peter. Rachel's office is locked and Sarah can see the light filtrating under the closed door. She probably worked all night, Sarah muses to herself, She always does that when she is forced to spend time with her family for a few days.

_"Holidays? Seriously?"_ Sarah laughs inwardly remembering Rachel's face when Kira had told her they wanted to go to Paris to see Cosima and Delphine for their first spring holidays as a family.

She gives Peter a mug of coffee - _Thank you Miss Mann- Sarah " -_ and lies down on the large grey sofa, waiting for her daughters to wake up. She sips the hot coffee, dreamily watching the white garden through the large bay window.

At 7 a.m. she decides to take a shower before Kira wakes up and takes the bathroom for two hours. Once under the shower head, the hot water begins to awaken her slowly, rinsing away the soreness of her night.

"Hey Mom, can I borrow this skirt?"

Sarah emerges from the shower cabin to discover Kira holding one of Rachel's shortest skirts in her hands _, a please-please-I-am-a-nice-girl-and-I'll-do-anything-you-want-me-to-including-babysitting-my-annoying-little-sister-for-three-months-please-say-yes_ look. A look that fades the instant she recognizes Sarah.

"Oh, it's you. Sorry, wrong clone."

She turns on her bare feet and leaves the bathroom so quickly, Sarah doesn't have the time to say anything.

"Hey! You could say hello !" No answer. "And you're _not_ wearing that skirt to school Kira!"

"Oh, Mom! Come on!"

Kira re-enters the bathroom a second later, a look of complete despair on her face. Sarah smiles to herself. Her daughter looks so much like she herself did at that age. Although, not exactly regarding taste in clothes.

"Monkey please, this skirt's too short."

"Mom ! All my friends wear skirts just like it. Come on, it's not _that_ short !"

"All right - " Kira’s face breaks into a bright smile "- but no high heels." Then the smile fades.

"Oh come on..."

"Now, let me get dressed or I'll be late getting Swan to school."

While Sarah gets ready, she hears Kira grumbling in the kitchen about how unfair life is, how her whole social life is about to be destroyed if she's not allowed to wear heels. Watching herself in the mirror, still wearing her eternal, comfortable, black punk clothes, she vaguely asks herself who could have given her theses awkward tastes in expensive, glittery clothes. _Oh wait...!_

Opening the door, she discovers a tiny little girl waiting for her in the hallway. Two big amber eyes, still full of sleep, look at her intently.

"Hey, little monkey - did you sleep well?" She takes the little girl against her. Swan immediately wraps her arms and legs around her mothers body and buries her head in Sarah's neck.

"When are we leaving, Mom?"

Every morning the same question. Sarah holds her tighter for a second

"Tomorrow, honey."

She feels Swan shivering with joy against her body. "And there's a surprise in the garden."

Swan jumps from her mother's embrace and bounds down the stairs. Her laugh when she discovers the snowy landscape fill Sarah's ears and her heart as well.

In the kitchen, Kira is playing the ardent advocate for teenage rights. Rachel listens to her patiently, the ghost of a smile playing on her lips. Only Sarah can tell how much effort Rachel must be exerting right now not to look bored.

"Also, it’s _totally_ not fair, because all my friends are allowed to wear heels at school. Even Belinda, whose parents are almost Mormons. I mean, Mom did so many stupid things when she was my age, why is she such a- boring parent? Even you got into trouble when you were young, didn't you?"

"Well, I-"

"Nevermind, wrong example - but you can understand how important this is, right?"

Rachel, almost imperceptibly, raises an eyebrow and offers Sarah a defying look.

"Yes, I understand. Let's say you can wear the skirt with my Gucci ballerinas, allright?"

Kira jumps from her chair, grateful as if she were receiving an Oscar.

"Thank you, Mo- thank you, Rachel !"

She leaves the kitchen, barely looking at Sarah as her _boring_ parent enters the room.

"You should lock your closet."

"Sarah, she's fifteen, give her a break sometimes."

"Since when does she call you Mom?"

Sarah's look at Rachel is a perfect shade of jealousy and pride.

"I don't know, maybe since our respective sizes and our taste in clothes became the same."

Swan enters the room a few seconds later and climbs onto her mother's lap. Sarah notices the almost imperceptible shiver Rachel alway exhibits when someone touches her without her consent. The little girl notices it too, but she is used to it. She curls up against her mother's body and says in an excited tone:

"Good morning, Mother. Tomorrow we’re leaving for the island!"

"Good morning, honey. Yes we are."

Swan sighs in relief, as if the information needed to be delivered by Rachel as well in order to be official.

"But - your music teacher told me yesterday you haven't been working hard enough. I am not very pleased. You have to _practice_ hard during our _vacation."_

Swan's eyes turn dark with annoyance and anger.

"This evening after your cello lesson, I want you to pack your instrument and scores along with your clothes."

"Yes, Mother."

Lips pinched, Swan jumps from her mother's lap to leave the kitchen, but Sarah holds her back

"Hey, monkey–go get dressed and come back for some breakfast before school."

The little girl doesn't answer and runs upstairs, visibly upset.

Sarah shouts, loud enough to carry up the stairs, "And if you're fast enough you'll get bonus marshmallows in your cereal."

"I'll do it as fast as I can!"

She focuses on Rachel’s indecipherable look on her."She's five, Rachel - give her a break once in awhile."

"She was old enough to choose to play a instrument. Now she has to assume the responsibility of her choice."

"You're too hard with her."

"Don't." She stands up, visibly angry. "Don't tell me how to behave with her, ok? I do my best."

"Yeah, ok! Calm down."

Rachel sets her cup of tea on the table abruptly.

"Whatever. I have to prepare. I have a meeting in an hour at the office."

She turns to leave the room, but Sarah grabs her wrist and holds her back.

"Wait a minute-"

Rachel feels her usual shiver of uneasiness run through her again as Sarah's fingers wrap around her skin. Still, even after all this time. This can, and has, had the effect of infuriating Sarah so much that she leaves for days, until Rachel sends a text message of _update pls,_ which basically means _please come back._ However, there are times when Sarah is able to interpret such a shiver more kindly, as some kind of proof of Rachel's hard work to behave like a normal person.

Today, Sarah's mood is playful. She uses the weight of her body to push Rachel's against the office's door.

"I need a private interview."

Rachel's skin immediately turns warm in anticipation.

"I don't have time for that this morning, Sarah."

Sarah pushes her body against Rachel's just that much more, so that her hands travel from arms to hips, wrapped tight in a short, white satin skirt. Impish fingers caress the smooth fabric and then the skin underneath. Eyes locked in Rachel's gaze, Sarah's hand draws a path to Rachel's inner thigh, causing her to moan without any sound.

"Really? So tell me, why did you put on that tight skirt if you don't have time to play?"

Rachel leans over Sarah to kiss her. Softly, like a kiss you share after years of being together. A kiss in which the other reads your soul because she knows everything there is to know about you.

Rachel breaks the embrace and pushes Sarah away from her gently, making her growl in frustration.

"Your daughter is right. You know nothing about fashion."

She smiles, not completely victorious, her lips slightly trembling with the need of Sarah's.

"We'll have time for that later, dear. I have to get to work early."

She approaches again slowly and, taking Sarah's wrist in her hands, she murmurs

"When you pack your things, don't forget to bring your large leather bracelets - I don't want Swan to notice any handcuff-bruises on your lovely wrists."

Kira chooses that moment to enter the kitchen. She is wearing Rachel's skirt and Sarah has to admit she looks beautiful in it. Seeing the two women so close to each other, looking somewhat embarrassed, she exclaims in a sharp voice,"Come on guys, get a room! There are kids here." Then she casually sits down at the table to eat her breakfast.

"Yeah, _kids_ wearing incredibly short skirts and borrowing Rachel's lipstick for - their literature teacher of course.", says Sarah, reluctantly escaping Rachel's warm grip.

She sits next to Kira and caresses the light brown curls that she has styled into a complicated hairstyle, falsely nonchalent, that makes her look older.

"Mom-" Kira tries to avoid her mother's touch, but Sarah catches her by the shoulder and brings her to her.

"You're beautiful, monkey."

"Please don't call me that!"

Sarah laughs and lets her daughter escape her embrace.

"So, what are your plans for the holidays."

"Nothing special. Dad'll pick me up at Alison's party and we'll have two days together before Charlotte's return. Then we'll probably, you know, hang out with friends. And work hard for our exams. Of course."

"Of course." They smile at each other.

"Aunt Helena asked me to look after the twins one afternoon, too."

"Oh great. How to get rid of a little sister and win two turbulent cousins in exchange."

"Yeah, but Aunt Helena pays me, so it's not that bad." Kira grins.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could bring the girls here to look after them, instead of at their - place." Helena and her twins were living in a yurt in the forest near Alison and Donnie's house. It was spartan to say the least, but Helena refused to live anywhere else and the girls were obviously enjoying their life. Plus, they could take their bicycles and rejoin the comfort of the Hendrix's home in less than 20 minutes.

 "Only if you're ok with that, of course." Kira's look crosses from her Mother to Rachel, whose lips are pinched to prevent her from wincing in displeasure. Years of practice allows her to put a condescending smile on her face and say :

 "Sure Kira, I'm always delighted to have two little savages soiling my 5000-dollar sofa and ruining the gardener's hard work."

 Sarah's body stiffens but she doesn't have to jump to her nieces' defense ; Swan upon entering the kitchen again says, reproducing her mother's exact arrogant tone :

 "One can't choose every member of one's family, Mother."

 She sits at her place and adds, "They can use my room to play if they wish to."

 Kira stands up and kisses her sister's forehead.

 "Thank you, lil' monkey. Hurry and eat and I’ll drive you to school."

 Fifteen minutes later, Rachel and Peter leave for the office. Kira gives her sister a lift to school on the back of her motorcycle, under Rachel's disapproving look. Suddenly squeezed by exhaustion, Sarah slips into bed, and, bathed in morning light, buries her face in Rachel's pillow. Surrounded by her lover's perfume, she falls asleep and dreams of fragments from the past five years. The constant cameras monitoring a clone’s every waking and sleeping moment is now nothing but a distant nightmare, but Sarah’s memory, her subconscious, now replays scenes from the couple's recent past together. Just as she once, in another life, watched those secret videos detailing Rachel’s life.

 

* *

*

_"Where are you going?"_

_"To the office. I'm already late, Sarah."_

_"And you think I'm going to stay home to look after the girls? Every day?"_

_"Yes. Or perhaps you have a better idea? Like, I don't know, looking for a job?"_

_"Don't patronize me!"_

_"Then don't act as if you needed me to patronize you. You're the one who said you didn't want to be like Alison. So, go on, do it."_

_"Fuck off, mind your own business."_

_{later that day}_

_"Hello Alison, it's Rachel- Yes, thank you for asking. There's something I'd like to discuss with you. Sarah told me about her plans to enroll in a course to be a nurse’s aide. Of course no bank will lend her the money, and she wouldn't ever accept it from me, so I was wondering if I could count on you to offer to lend the money so she doesn’t suspect it is coming from me. I’ll transfer the complete sum to your account, of course. Yes? That's very kind of you. Regarding our- past, I thought perhaps you wouldn't even pick up the phone – No, of course, you're doing it for Sarah-"_

* *

*

_"Rachel, we have to talk about the nanny's concerns."_

_Rachel's is sitting on the sofa; her body stiffens at these words._

_"There's nothing wrong with Swan. We should find another nanny."_

_"Please - why are you making me the reasonable person here - this is the third nanny, and the problem is still there."_

_"Swan doesn’t have a problem."_

_"Of course not. She's perfect. To us. But she's different from other children, that's all. We should just - I don't know - get a specialist's, a professional opinion."_

_Rachel stands up abruptly and turns to face Sarah. Her lips are trembling, her eyes full of rage._

_"No. Give her some time. She's only two, for God's sake ! She'll talk eventually !"_

_"You know perfectly well that it's not about when she'll talk. She already talks, but only to us. It’s as if other people are unworthy her attention._

_"Stop! No more!" A sob escape her mouth as she leaves the room, a halo of graceful sadness around her._

_Sarah sighs and after several moments thinking hard in the darkness of the room, takes out her phone._

_"Mom? I think I might need your help."_

* *

*

_Sarah comes back home after a long day at the hospital. When she enters the room, she sees the reassuring silhouette of Siobhan in the back garden. She holds Rachel hands in hers. Hidden behind the heavy curtains of the half opened bay window, Sarah can witness and hear without being seen._

_"I know it's hard, but you can handle this. You've been through worse and it doesn't change anything about your love for your daughter. Right?"_

_Sarah feels a tear escaping and rolling down her cheek - a tribute to Mrs. S, the mother of the Leda Clones. All of them._

_{later that day}_

_They are lying on the bed, breathless, covered only in sweat. Sarah's left hand rests on Rachel's pale hip, while the left plays with a strand of blond hair. Her face is buried deep in Rachel's neck, her lips brushing against the soft skin of her throat. Rachel's legs are still trembling lightly, as evidence of a recent orgasm; her wrists rest above her head, bound by a thin red leather cord, the other end of which is tightly tied to the headboard._

_Sarah says softly in Rachel's ear, "I love when we trade places."_

_"Don't get used to it. Handcuffs suit you better."_

_" Yeah? Don't even try to make me think you didn't like it."_

_Sarah unties the bounds, allowing Rachel to sit on the bed, rubbing her bruised wrists. She takes a bottle of hand lotion from the nightstand, and while massaging the damaged skin, says in a low voice :_

_"We should take Swan to a psychiatrist. I know someone with good references."_

_"That seems wise..."_

* *

_*_

_She comes back home early that day. Swan and Kira are in the kitchen, strangely quiet, and the second Sarah locks on to her daughter's gazes, she knows something is wrong._

_"Hey girls, is everything all right?"_

_Swan lips are trembling, she points her finger in direction of Rachel's office._

_"Mother is crying" She says it in a soft voice. Sarah always feels so grateful when she hears her daughter speaking. Until her third birthday, she only talked to Kira, when they were alone. Now it is better. Whenever Sarah is feeling tired and hopeless, she repeats to herself the mantra of one sentence: "It’s getting better...It’s getting better. "_

_Sarah immediately notices Rachel's office door is half-opened. She cannot remember how many arguments they have had in the past about the fact that Sarah doesn’t want Neolution in her house, near her daughters. In the end, Rachel simply closed and locked the door to her office; it was the best she could do._

_"I'm sure it's nothing, Monkey-"_

_In support her mother, Kira says :"See Swan? Mom says it's nothing - don't worry."_

_But the half-opened door is a bad omen, and Swan feels it, know it instinctively :_

_"She is sad because of me."_

_The little girl's clairvoyance is terrifying. The therapist they'd seen for Swan had told them he'd send his observations in the post. The torn envelope on the kitchen counter is sufficient enough to forewarn Sarah. A low sob escapes the office door, making the three of them shiver with fear._

_"Ok, Kira, please take Swan upstairs. I'm gonna take care of Rachel, ok?"_

_"Mom-" Kira's voice is supplicant._

_"Please. I'll come in a moment."_

_Kira takes her sister's hand and starts climbing the stairs, her whole body trembling. She jumps when the noise of broken glass fills the heavy silence of the house. Sarah enters the office slowly, afraid and ill-at-ease of being in that room, for everything it represents. Rachel is standing still in the middle of the room, a letter in her hands. She stares at the broken vase at her feet, as if hypnotized by the hundreds of glass fragments surrounding her._

_"Rachel-"_

_She turns around abruptly. Her eyes are red and wet, the letter in her hands is creased. She says in a hoarse and threatening voice :_

_"It was your idea."_

_"Yes, it was my idea to help our daughter."_

_"This-", she holds the paper as far as possible from her, "this, is not helping. He doesn't even know her. How much time did he spent with her? Three hours? Maybe four ? It doesn't give him the right to write that.". She gives Sarah the paper and leaves the room without another word._

_Sarah reads the doctor's observations without understanding more than a few words : Social Communication Disorder, high IQ, Selective Mutism, autistic behavior..._

_The noise of Rachel's footsteps in the stairs seems to awake an alarm in Sarah's brain. She runs in the living room to face Rachel, who is wearing her coat and is about to leave the house._

_"Where are you going?"_

_"It's better if you don't know, Sarah."_

_Nevertheless, she can read so much distress and rage in Rachel's eyes that it allows her to understand Rachel’s plan immediately._

_"No. You're not leaving this house."_

_She places her body directly in front of the main entrance ; a trembling, ridiculous obstacle in the way of Rachel's anger._

_"Move, Sarah."_

_"No. You're furious with that doctor - I am too. But you won’t change things by threatening him."_

_"He says Swan is sick. He says she will never got better." She is standing closer to Sarah now, anger making her beautiful and terrible. "He needs to know that I never gave him my daughter to be cured. She.Is.Not.Sick." Her red lips are trembling so hard she has to swallow twice before talking again. "I have to see him."_

_"No, you don't." Their eyes meet, same green hazelnut color, same pain and fear dilatating their pupils. "Please - let's be smarter than this-"_

_"You can't prevent me forever from leaving this house. I'll find him, Sarah, and I'll kill him. You know that."_

_"No. Because Swan wouldn't want that."_

_"Don't!" Rachel yells. Her hand reaches Sarah's cheek in a slap before she could to protect herself. "Don't use Swan to try and stop me!" She retreats into her office and Sarah follows her._

_"Leave me alone!"_

_"No."_

_She closes the door, a thin and miserable barrier between Rachel's rage and the two terrified girls upstairs. Sarah finds herself stuck in a tornado she knows she cannot stop. Objects are flying all over the room; she feels tiny glass fragments penetrating her skin when Rachel throws a vase at her feet. It hurts less than Rachel's screams, which rip her heart apart. She is mad against that damned therapist, against Sarah, against the injustice of life. Sarah's whole body is trembling and bleeding._

_At some point, she feels a soft hand gently catching her and taking her out of this storm._

_"Come, Sarah"_

_Alison's voice seems unreal. She opens her eyes to discover her sister._

_"Here. Sit sweetie, Donnie can handle that."_

_"What- What are you doing here?"_

_"Kira called us, she said there was a problem with Rachel. I knew you were supposed to receive a diagnosis from the doctor this week, so - we came as fast as we could."_

_She gives Sarah a glass of water._

_"Here, drink this while I get your first aid kit"_

_She comes back a minute later. The sounds in the office have faded, but catching Sarah's worried face, Alison's soft voice tries to reassure her :_

_"Donnie can handle this, Sarah. Don't worry."_

_She disinfects Sarah's cuts, dries her tears, and caresses her hair softly._

_Suddenly, Sarah says:"The girls - I have to see them!"_

_"Easy – they’re in the car with Gemma and Oscar. They'll sleep at our place tonight. You need time just the two of you-"_

_"Th- Thank you..."_

_"Hey, it's normal, honey - you'd do the same for us."_

_She puts a soft kiss on Sarah's forehead and lies next to her for a while._

_She doesn't remember having closed her eyes but when she opens them, she sees Donnie whispering to Alison._

_"She fell asleep and I put her on her bed. I'll go check if the kids are all right."_

_Sarah sits up slowly._

_"I-I fell asleep too."_

_"It's all right Sarah, you needed to rest."_

_Donnie kneels by the bed and says gently :_

_"We’ll take care of the girls for a few days. Call the hospital, take a few days off. I convinced Rachel to do the same. Take time for just the two of you."_

_"I- I can't-"_

_"If you don't, I'll call the hospital myself, honey." Alison's voice is soft and strict at the same time. "All you need right now is to take all the time you need to heal. Both of you."_

_Sarah nods weakly._

_"Ok then, let's go, Donnie - Sarah and Rachel need to rest."_

_They do not let her argue, they barely let her kiss the girls - and then they leave. Sarah takes a moment in the garden before climbing up the stairs. She opens the bedroom door slowly. Rachel is on the bed, still in the same position Donnie put her. Tears are drying on her pink cheeks. She looks like a fragile porcelain doll, bathed in the evening light._

_Sarah sits on the bed next Rachel. She stays there, awake, until the night covers everything. It is almost two a.m. when she hears Rachel's whispering voice for the first time again :_

_"I am sorry."_

_At first, she does not answer, she just lays against Rachel as close as possible. She buries her face deep in the warmth of Rachel's neck. Then she murmurs :_

_"It will get better-"_

 

* *

*

_"Mom, is there a problem with Swan?"_

_"Oh, no monkey - everything is fine with your sister. Why are you asking?"_

_"I don't know. I think- I think you and Rachel worry too much about her."_

_"Really? She told you that?"_

_"No we don't speak that much. It's more something I… I just feel it."_

_"Like you feel all the sisters’ emotions?"_

_"Sort of. It's stronger with Swan. We're- linked."_

_"Monkey, can I ask you something?"_

_"Sure, Mom."_

_"Is Swan- I don't know how to say it - do you think Swan is somehow like Aunt Helena?"_

_Kira smiles at her mother, eyes brilliant._

_"No. Aunt Helena is special because there's something missing inside her - her soul. But Swan has something more inside._

_"I worry a lot about Swan, you know."_

_"You shouldn't. She’s fine. She just - doesn't belong here."_

* *

*

_"Mother, I drew this for you."_

_Rachel takes the sheet of paper Swan is holding in front of her. The little girl is wearing her eternal, undecipherable look. She looks so much like Rachel it almost hurts her physically to realize it over and again._

_"That's a beautiful drawing, Honey."_

_"It's not a drawing. It's a map."_

_Looking closely, Rachel discovers an exact reproduction of the island map she and Charlotte drew years ago._

_"Did- did someone told you about this island, Swan ?"_

_"Charlotte and Kira read Grandpa's book to me."_

_Rachel notices a small figure Swan has drawn on the map, quite near their house._

_"What's that, honey?"_

_"Oh, that." She takes a deep breath. "It's the Master. I want to meet him."_

_Rachel's hands start trembling slightly. "The Master.", she murmurs._

_"Mother, I want to go to the Island of Doctor Moreau."_

_"We will go, I promise you."_

_The 4-year-old little girl opens her big eyes, filled with tears of joy, and starts giggling, like a little girl should. Like Rachel used to laugh during another lifetime, when she was a naive child together with her parents._

_Swan jumps on her mother's lap and wraps herself around her mother's body. Her laughs travels along Rachel's skin, making her shiver, for once with joy.The small, warm body is so close against her that she can feel their hearts beating with the same tempo._

_She doesn't hear it, her ears being filled with her sound of her daughter's laughter, but when Sarah enters the room at this very moment, she can distinctly see Swan's lips forming the words "I love you"._

* *

* 

The dinner party at the Hendrix house goes well, apart from Felix's painful absence. Rachel makes incredible efforts to look pleased to be there. Almost as much as Helena, who doesn’t even growl at her once the whole evening. Almost as much as Alison, who actually does not look disgusted to see the twin sisters eating their meat with their hands. _"Like mother, like daughters.",_ she says, a saccharine smile on her face, as Donnie strokes her hand soothingly.

Almost as much as Cosima, who is so uneasy surrounded by all these kids, and cannot even even drink to cope because she had agreed to abstain from even a drop of alcohol in support of Delphine during "their" pregnancy. At one point, Sarah catches a horrified look on her sister's face, glancing from her wife's round belly to the too many kids screaming, laughing, and running amok all around them. A look which Sarah easily reads as _" Holy shit, what have I done? "._

Actually, it is just a typical family meal, much like in any other family.

They leave for the island the day after. On the helicopter taking them to the island, Swan falls asleep in Sarah's arms. The two women look at each other in silence, not completely sure if they feel happy or sad to be back on the island. There are many mixed emotions to deal with.

It is Rachel who sees him first. Sitting in the garden, majestic and beautiful. She sees his muzzle turning in their direction when he hears them. Like a domestic animal, his tail starts beating the ground furiously, impatiently. Rachel can almost hear his excited howling from the air. " _You've been waiting for five years too, my old friend.",_ she thinks, suddenly emotional. When the flying machine approaches land, however, he retreats back inside the forest, unsure of the noises of this human invention.

The little girl wakes up two minutes before landing. When she discovers the island below her, her eyes instantly lighten with a glow neither Sarah or Rachel recall seeing before. It is a light of relief, wildness and freedom.

"Finally.", she murmurs.

She jumps onto the frozen ground as soon as the helicopter lands. She takes a minute to look around, to rediscover the place where she was born. Her eyes shine like two polished amber gemstones. Sarah and Rachel watch her, silenced by her wonder.

Suddenly, Swan turns around and looks far into the distance, her eyes seeming to see through the darkness of the forest. Like a wild animal, she remains still, yet all her senses are alert, vigilant.

The wolf appears from under a tree. He looks bigger, older, wiser. Swan whispers, mesmerized,"The Master." He sits the middle of the white landscape and then, turning his head to the sky, full of grace, like a renowned opera singer about to perform his signature aria. Then he howls under the morning sunlight, welcoming the child of the island, asking her mothers to let her come to him.

With a last glorious smile to her mothers, Swan starts running toward the wolf. He stops yowling when she reaches him, at which point she throws herself into his paws. From where she is, Sarah hears her laughter, which seems to make the snowflakes around tremble and shine. Feeling Rachel next to her, Sarah believes she can actually hear the tears escaping from her eyes. They are, for once, tears of joy.

Like in a silent ballet, Swan and the wolf start their dance. They roll together on the frozen ground, silvery fur mixing with blond curls, just as the playful growls of the wild animal combine harmoniously somehow with the laughter of the wolf-child. The two appear glittery, covered in fresh sprinkles of show.

Through teary eyes, her heart beating hard on her ears, Rachel barely hears Sarah's voice, smooth and calm, while she takes her hands in hers :

"She belongs here."

At that moment, Swan climbs onto the wolf's back, making her look even smaller, and the wolf even bigger. Then he rushes through the trees, the child’s hands hooked into his fur like a long-lost part of him come home.

The two women stand in that spot, quite still in a peaceful silence, for a long time, feeling at one with in the white garden and filled with their daughter's joy.

Rachel finally breaks the silence by softly saying,"I'm going to open the house and start the fire. She'll be freezing when she comes back."

Sarah lets her go, vaguely aware that Rachel said that in order to convince herself that Swan will indeed come back to them. She stares at the edge of the forest until she sees the wolf coming back. Alone.

He looks at Sarah deeply, opening a path of comprehension between them. She can read how honored he is to welcome them back here. She can read how important Swan is to him. The chosen daughter of the island. She can almost hear him say, _"Don't worry, she will be fine"._ As he turns his head in preparation to leave her and rejoin Swan deep in the forest, Sarah notices his wolf eyes for the first time.

His two big, beautiful, brilliant amber eyes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Swan's character was inspired by the beautiful anime "Ame & Yuki, the wolf children". She was also inspired by my brother, who is a real wolf child. He will probably never read that fanfiction (thank God !!) but he has always been an important source of inspiration and pride. I hope he'll receive all the love and respect I have for him, for succeeding to survive in this difficult world, even if he doesn't really belong Here with us all.


End file.
